We’ve all been there— that moment of intense self-doubt— the kind that blindsides you, and everything, suddenly, feels not-quite-right anymore. That’s where Betsy Chasse, author of the well-received, just-released Tipping Sacred Cows found herself, before she, well, found herself.
Via Amazon: “Wife, mother, and award-winning producer of the sleeper hit What the Bleep Do We Know!? Betsy Chasse thought she had it all figured out…until she realized she didn’t. She didn’t know anything about happiness, love, spirituality, or herself…nothing, nada, zilch.”
Many people would crack under the pressure, even irreparably, but not Betsy. She chatted with UChic Managing Editor, Kate McDermott, about how she discovered the path to leading a happy life; why loving yourself should have conditions; and why hanging out naked with Ryan Gosling may not be as blissful as you’d imagine…
On the book:
KM: In the preface, you say you realized that ‘you weren’t who you thought you were,’ then continue a few paragraphs below by asking the question: “How was it possible, with all that I had in my life, that I could feel so profoundly unhappy and unfulfilled?”
Do you believe this is an avoidable crisis for young women— or is natural roadblock in the progression in maturation? What’s most important for high-school and college aged women to consider as their curating their future lives to avoid self-doubt down the road?
BC: “The biggest take away from my book is to be conscious, aware of your thoughts, what you choose to believe about yourself and the world. You choose your thoughts, you choose how to perceive your life. And to have fun and remember life isn’t a sprint it’s a marathon and to pace yourself.”
KM: You mention that you once met a ‘silver-spooned, surfboarding Laguna Beach-raised’ young-man-turned-monk on a flight— and noted that in his quest for a simpler life, that he had achieved an ‘isn’t-life-wonderful,’ glow— how, in your opinion, can you achieve, and exude that, amongst the chaos of everyday life?
BC: “Happiness isn’t a destination, happiness doesn’t come from the stuff in our life, it’s a state of being. Life is going to be messy and sometimes it’s going to suck, but it won’t always suck so remember that and choose happy.”
KM: Explain what you meant by, ‘Ryan-Gosling-in-the-backyard blissful’? How is that different than the ‘real essence of joy’ that you speak of?
BC: “There is pleasure which is sometimes confused with bliss – pleasure is hanging out naked with Ryan Gosling (Or whoever you want to insert there) Bliss is when you know you’re living, doing what YOU love and it’s not connected to any person or thing. Bliss is finding what you love about living and doing that. And I’m gonna bet that while Ryan might feel like bliss for a minute it’s not going to be sustainable.”
KM: You go into detail about how difficult it truly is to find an unconditional love for oneself, and our fears of not finding it. What is the difference between loving ourselves ‘unconditionally’ and loving ourselves ‘authentically’?
BC: “Unconditional I think is impractical, it implies that we have somehow reached a level where we have no conditions and my belief is that if we’re honest with ourselves, we have conditions.. so being authentic is saying I’m ok with who I am and I am a work in progress and that’s cool too.”
KM: One of my favorite quotes in Tipping Sacred Cows, was, “For me, the trick is loving the nebulous, loving the in-between, living in the moments that are what they are: struggle (suffering), joy and bliss, happy, sad, and everything in between.’ On a quest for true happiness, what do believe is the very first step? How does that lead us to accepting, and loving, the bigger picture
BC: “By having an honest conversation with ourselves. By admitting that we aren’t perfect and to stop seeking perfection, to stop seeking enlightenment and happiness and start choosing it.”
On ‘Living Your Dreams’:
KM: What is the best advice you’ve ever received?
BC: “Laugh and don’t take it all so seriously. Be thoughtful about what you choose but mistakes are going to happen.”
KM: How do you handle setbacks?
BC: “I allow myself to experience all the emotions around “failure” and then I start over. This moment won’t last forever and it’s possible in 5 minutes, 5 months or even 5 years from now it won’t matter. Take an honest look at why the setback occurred and make changes. I find that when I’m honest with myself, I can see where I need to make adjustments and move forward.”
KM: How do you know when to let go of a goal or dream that may not be right for you?
BC: “When I am clear about what my dream is and why I want it (that’s important –asking who what when where and why about your passion, your dream) if you can’t find clarity or it doesn’t feel right in those questions let it go. I hate it when people say “you’ll know” but in this case you know, but you have to willing to listen that knowingness and not be stubborn about it.”